A teddy bear filled with surprises !
The alarm sounded, alerting the whole street. The thief gripped the diamonds in the jewellery and ran away. The way was dark outside and the only light on the road was not bright enough to see the end of the street.
Suddenly, a policeman sprang up far from him.
“ You ! Stop now ! I said STOP ! ”
But the man didn't stop. Thus, the constable started to run to catch him up. Nevertheless, he was fat and his forehead was covered with sweat. He was quickly out of breath. Then, two other police officers joined him.
Soon after, the thief laughed. “ What a funny team ! ” The pair was composed of a pretty woman and a thin man. With the fat one, it was very amusing.
Finally, the thief turned into a black little street and got away from the police.
Steven Becker was an unknown detective despite some inquiries he had done. Admittedly, he was not a good detective but he had helped many famous detectives in their investigations. He was handsome for his age, had brown hair and blue eyes. He was trying to have a moustache like Hercule Poirot to give himself the appearance of a real and famous detective.
This night, he received a call from the police to help them find a thief. Immediately, he ran to the police station and tried to find some clues. Nothing ! Then, he asked the police officer in charge of the investigation but he couldn't give more information. Steven went home, desperate.
The thief arrived in a long and deserted street. Luckily, the policemen had lost track of him. From then on, he stopped running and started walking quietly. Suddenly, he heard a child's voice :
“ Sir, you have lost this. ”
The man turned around and saw a little boy, perhaps four or five years old. He was holding a diamond in his little hand, looking at the man with innocent eyes. In his other hand, the boy had a small cuddly toy, a cute bear. Its neck was torn and the thief could see the cotton sticking out.
From a distance, he could hear the noise of the handcuff shaking at the belt of the big policeman and the voices of the policemen who were tracking him. They weren't that far. So, without thinking, he took the precious stone and grabbed the bear. He snatched the cotton out, put all the diamonds and the cotton again inside the poor teddy. The police were closer. The thief gave the bear back to the child and went away. Just in time, a woman went out of a house.
“ Junior, dinner !
- I'm coming mum ! ”
The thief turned his head and watched the young boy go home. 18 Barning Roads. The man promised to never forget this address.
Some days later, Steven Becker went back to the police station and decided to question the neighbours of the jewellery. Nobody had heard the alarm ringing or had seen the thief.
“ Strange ! ” thought Steven.
He decided to go back home to look for some information in some old newspapers. But, as usual, he didn't find anything.
One week later, at 18 Barning Roads, midnight. Here he was. Seven days earlier, he had walked down this street with a bag full of diamonds. Today, he was coming back to get the precious stones.
So he broke the back door and entered the house. Inside, it was quite silent. The man walked along a dark corridor, then another one. When he began to lose patience, he saw a light in a room on his left. Maybe the child's bedroom. Then, he entered the room and saw a woman, she was sitting on a bed. He wanted to go back but he couldn't, the woman was facing him. He pointed his gun at her, she looked at him.
Her blond hair was dishevelled and her blue eyes watched him intensely. Strangely, she didn't look afraid.
At once, the ringing of the door sounded. The thief pulled the trigger and the woman fell over. He ran away.
Steven Becker had decided to continue questionning the inhabitants about the burglary. Thereupon, he arrived at Barning Roads. After some boring discussions with the neighbours, he rang at number 18. There was nobody. Immediately, he heard a gunshot. He passed by the back door and saw it was broken. He ran inside and looked for the origin of the shot. He found it. A woman was lying on a bed, covered with blood. Dead, of course ! He called the police. They arrived.
Next, he looked for the murderer in the house. Too late, it was deserted.
The killer was home. But without the bear. He would return to 18 Barning Roads, but not now.
Steven Becker had gone back to his office. He prepared a cup of very hot coffee. He shouted. Why hadn't he found anything ?
Two days later, the thief was again behind the damned house. The night made the atmosphere scarier. The corpse wasn't in the bedroom. The police had removed it.
After a boring night to look for the cuddly toy, he finally found it, in a chest. Inpatiently, he snatched the head of the poor bear and took out the cotton, again and again. But, he couldn't find the diamonds. The bear had been emptied.
Mélanie GORNET & Muriel HAVAS
Melanie & Muriel,
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool story, but there are a few things that can be corrected.
The sentence "The thief gripped the diamonds in the jewellery and ran away." is confusing. You could say something like "The theif gripped the diamond jewels and ran away."
Also, "18 Barning Roads" shouln't be plural. It should be "18 Barning Road."
Otherwise, this is a really well-written story. There are several phrases such as "the way" and "constable" that are sort of old-school, but maybe you intented that.
Really good though!
Wow, if Madame hadn't told us about this, I would have thought someone from here in America had wrote it. Your english is rather good considering you were born a French-speaker.
ReplyDeleteAlthought, there are some mistakes; the diamonds in the jewellery should be something like "diamond jewels". Diamonds are a kind of jewel.
Nonetheless, I really liked your story. The actually story itself was pretty good. It had a great story-line. :)
Keep up the good work!
~Renee(Bailey) from Northwestern Highschool
I guess I can agree with the people above...although they're being awfully picky!!! haha I noticed you write in British English with words such as "mum" instead of American English where it's "mom." That could also be why some of the phrasing and words sound awkward to us. American English has a lot of slang in it. Overall though, great story :)
ReplyDelete-Reviewed by Kaitlin Newcombe (Marie)