THE JEWEL BOX
Once upon a time, in America, a beautiful and huge ship left for a long cruise from Boston to Plymouth in England. Lots of rich people really enjoyed the trip.
Liam Smith and his little sister Sarah were orphans. Unfortunately, they had been separated at the orphanage. Sarah had been adopted by a rich family of Boston and Liam, when he was 18, had left the orphanage to start working. He became a musician and was hired in the ship to play the piano. That’s how Liam and Sarah were on the same ship without knowing the presence of the other.
The only memory Liam had kept from Sarah was the jewel box he had offered her for her 6th birthday. He was just 8 and he didn’t know the name of the family who had adopted her. The boy had already tried to find her but the family had changed her first name. In fact, when Sarah had been adopted, her adoptive parents renamed her Sarah-Jane Montgomery because they wanted a more distinguished name.
All day long, while Liam was playing music, he was thinking about his life. How unhappy and poor he was. Seeing rich families on the ship made the young man desperate. He was looking for a way to end his poverty.
One day, Liam met Sarah-Jane and tried to captivate her. However, she turned him away because he didn’t belong to her social class. After this event, Liam was very upset: he hated all of these rich people. Then, he decided to get his revenge.
After thinking about that he decided to steal a suit of the ship's company and slipped into Sarah-Jane's cabin to take money, jewellery and other things he could find there.
It was early in the morning, all the families were having breakfast, it was the perfect moment for the young man. He opened the door of the cabin, everything was golden and shiny. The man stayed there a moment, without moving. Liam first saw a necklace, he thought it was made of real diamonds. He put it in his pocket and continued his search.
Unfortunately for him, Sarah-Jane left breakfast early to return to her cabin. She had something to do. When Liam heard that the door was opening, he snatched a candlestick up and slowly came close to the door. It was such a surprise for Sarah-Jane to see him there. He was just the man who played the piano. What was he doing in her cabin ? Liam hit her violently on her head. The young girl fell down. She was dead. Liam stayed transfixed, he was looking everywhere to find a place to hide her. He was in a tight corner, the boat was in the middle of the sea and the absence of the girl would be noticed quickly.
In his haste he made a box fall. Liam recognized it immediately. It was the jewel box of his sister. The boy started to understand. He looked at the face of the girl he had just killed. Actually she looked exactly like his sister. Her age was corresponding with the young girl's one. Liam had just killed his sister. At that time he felt so desperate.
When the corpse of Sarah-Jane was discovered, all the passengers panicked. Who could have killed a pretty and sweet girl of 16? There was a horrible murderer on board! The captain of the ship decided to return to Boston because there was some kind of panic.
When the boat arrived in Boston, it was placed in quarantine: nobody could enter or leave it. An investigation was started, conducted by inspector Adams. During the search on the boat, the police found a man, Liam Smith, hanged in his shower with jewels in his pocket. A suicide ?
Also, they found a jewel box in Liam’s room, it contained jewellery of great value. Sarah-Jane’s father, Daniel Montgomery assured that the box belonged to his daughter. Then, inspector Adams was sure that there was a link between the two deaths. The family of the first victim told him she had been adopted. He concluded that Liam was in the same orphanage at the same time.
The inspector kept on investigating. He thought there was a physical resemblance between them so he compared the DNA of Sarah-Jane and Liam. They belonged to the same family and with extensive research, he discovered that they were brother and sister. The inspector first thought Liam had hanged himself after killing his sister. But then other clues were found in Liam's and Sarah-Jane's cabin. A candlestick with Liam's fingerprints and a handkerchief with initials “D.M.”.
Then, inspector Adams found out the truth. Daniel Montgomery knew that Liam was Sarah-Jane's brother and that he had been hired on the boat. But he hadn't told her anything because he didn't want his daughter to meet him. Daniel had been the first one to discover the corpse and to find the jewel box next to her. The man had understood immediately that Liam had done that. The boy had stolen the jewels but asSarah-Jane had surprised him he had killed the young girl. It was only after that, he had understood that she was his sister.
Desperate, he had returned to his cabin, taken a sleeping pill and fallen asleep. During his sleep, Mr Montgomery had come in his cabin and strangled him. He had hidden it by making the murder look like a suicide,leaving the murder weapon and the box next to the corpse. But he had also left his handkerchief accidentally.
When inspector Adams accused Daniel Montgomery of the murder of Liam, he immediately confessed his crime and ended up in jail.
Fourrier Coline – Quitté Margot 2nd3
Hello!
ReplyDeleteYour short story is interesting. It's unfortunate that Liam and Sarah-Jane weren't able to meet each other and have a real realationship knowing they were siblings. The twist about D.M. was good. Also I'm glad you didn't have Sarah fall for her brother because that would of been incest and would of made things awkward. But overall I enjoyed your creative story
-Madeleine-
Wow!!! Amazing story!!!! The structure overall was excellent, as well as your sentence structure. The use of commas was perfect. It can be really tricky to figure out where they need to be used sometimes. Really a great job :D
ReplyDelete-Reviewed by Kaitlin Newcombe (Marie)